Profile of an Ass Kicker: Jack Burton

Name: Jack Burton
Movie: Big Trouble In Little China
Age: Timeless
Job:
Haulin Ass with Pork Chop Express
Decent:
Californian
Motivation:
Just wants his Truck back
Wants To Bang: Gracie Law
Equipment: Boot Knife + Tec 9 Machine Gun
No. 1 Attribute: Reflexes

Jack Burton Facts:

- Doesn’t drive faster than his eyes can see
– Pays 6 G’s a year in insurance Premiums
– Is a reasonable guy despite experiencing unreasonable things
– Was born ready
– Always says “What the hell” at times like this
– Can’t believe Dave can’t find a broad to fit the bill in 2000 years
– Is thrilled to be alive
– Has plugged a guy before
– Never knows until he tries
– Doesn’t wear a belt
– Can take your best shot
– Looks Manly despite wearing lipstick
– Shook the pillars of Heaven
– Believes in ExtraTerrestrials (Foolish not to according to Jack)
– Knows it’s all in the reflexes

Jack Burton’s Philosophy on life:

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?” “Yessir, the check is in the mail.”

Great Compilation video:



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