Random intoxicated thoughts from this weekend 2/4/11

These are always fun… I was intoxicated this weekend and tend to observe and have interesting random thoughts during nights out. This is a chronicle of friday 2/4/11:

I went and saw a band called “1988” in Strongsville Ohio (Shown above).  This band featured a shirtless guitarist & bassist, played lots of Motley Crue, and generally rocked out pretty hardcore (Dio covers included). Best part was the crowd they brought in however…

Among this crowd I observed the following:

When you’re 45 years old with a thick mustache and wearing a white and green xmas sweater in February you just don’t give a fuck. Why? 12 inch penis, that’s right ladies… Those guys are packin.

Seashell necklaces are for 17 year old teens to wear to attract attention away from their acne… why the fuck are 30 year old men wearing them still?

Women should be more aggressive with men they like, enough window shopping.  If you like a guy just walk up and grab his package, if you like what you feel tell him straight up “Nice Dick”.  He’ll appreciate it if you’re not a pig, unless his girlfriends around… then you might have to fight a bitch.

I’ve been trying for 6 years to NOT crab dance or rip out Air Guitar while listening to Guns N Roses “Sweet Child of Mine”… chalk up 6 years of failure that I don’t mind.

When Drunk I think of great phone apps but don’t have the time or resources to develop them from scratch.  I need a fair 3rd party to consult, email me if you know of any: harder @ kickingtotalass.com (remove spaces around @… avoiding spam bots).

Guys don’t need to dance to 80’s music (though i’m not against it at all).  If you aren’t dancing you should use the trophy rhythmic knee pump in conjunction with a 80’s fist pump.  This is best demonstrated by Freddie Mercury who is probably the greatest showman in Rock N Roll history:

He really starts to go for it at about 2:40 in the video.  You can make your own style or variation out of it.  I tend to keep the knee pumping with my fist at waist length rocking in rhythm.  And if you gotta take the other knee to the floor while hitting a fist pump low… that’s what you gotta do!

Moving on….

Cav’s now own the biggest losing streak in NBA history.  Why haven’t Team Gilbert fans burned their T-shirts yet?

Ephedrine is gods nectar, you can buy it over the counter at any pharmacy for your “Bronchial asthma”.  I suggest those wanting a good healthy pick up day to day that aren’t jackasses taking 3 times the dosage pick it up.  60 pills cost 10 dollars and can be purchased in the form of Primatene Tablets or Bronkaid.  I prefer Bronkaid.

I don’t understand the fascination with Kim Kardashian, she’s very pretty but in all honesty chubby cute.  In my opinion she’s a strumpet that knows how to Tuck it anyway.  If you catch her off guard with a photo it’s likely not to be pretty.  As in over weight Cher not pretty, at least with anything recent.  Years back now she was smokin, but that’s not the case today.  Get off Kim fellas.

That’s about all I can recall for now… Super bowl sunday.  Go Packers!!!


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